I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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