Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
