my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
