I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
