Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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