I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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