TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
