It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
