Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
