Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
