Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
