I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
