We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
