Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize