So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
