dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We have started to decorate penises.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
