it hurts more in the daytime
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
