I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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