i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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