My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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