OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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