On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
