I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My pussy is not your playground.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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