My cat gives me a boner
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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