I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
