another moral hangover. fuck.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
