Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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