I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
