he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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