so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
