I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
