Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
