Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
