wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
