I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
