mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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