my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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