My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i drank out of a bidet.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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