Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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