I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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