She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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