I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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