So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
is wine microwaveable?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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