No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
