his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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