Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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