ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
