I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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