I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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