Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
