I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
