It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
