So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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