so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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